HOW TO WIN BACK AN EX
It’s not too late to rekindle the love with your ex, but don’t get rash and make any mediocre moves. So here, tips on how to approach her for Round Two.
Reconnect with a text. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder—but other times, it causes that heart to seek out another man. So, don’t call first. “Try sending a sweet text, not one that will make her think you’re looking for a booty call,”
Take it slow. You romanced her once already, but that doesn’t mean you get to go from zero to 60 without even getting behind the wheel. So propose getting together—not moving in together. Says Seattle-resident Adria, who took her ex back after a nasty breakup: “He apologized out of the blue after three months of no contact and was very respectful of me. He wasn’t pushy about getting back together, which would have been a red flag in my eyes.”
Call her, maybe. So far, so good? Great. Suggest a casual date by phone. No texts. No emails. Let her hear your voice and register some sincere effort on your part. But remember, accepting your invite is just that—and not a sure sign she wants to get back together. If she turns you down, give her space. Don’t beg, cry, or stalk her. If it’s meant to be, she’ll come around on her own time-table.
Tell her you miss her. If she accepts your date invite, ease in. Ask what she’s been up to, how work is going, if her dog is still peeing on the couch—whatever. Then, say you want her back. Vulnerability will up your odds of a second chance; just don’t rip the Band-Aids off every old wound.
Own up. If she seems open, and you want to step up for another at-bat, acknowledge your shortcomings. If you did something hurtful, make a real apology. Then, no matter what she did, you need to take responsibility for you—and change. If you weren’t willing to extend an effort to get to know her friends before, tell her you’d be game for drinks as a group.
Use the friend group. While you want a new beginning, you should still tap back into those old loving feelings. And an easy way to recreate happy times is to meet up in a safe, familiar environment—like an outing with your mutual friend group. Just make sure you can easily break off from the pack to talk.
Tap your romantic side. While chivalrous acts aren’t the most important thing, they are important. Chocolates, cards and flowers (sent to her office so all her co-workers can get green with envy) are time-honored clichés for a reason: they kind of work. But here’s how to make it a legit.