Colin Murray: Hillsborough continues to be stuff of nightmares
96 people died in the 1989 Hillsborough disaster
I didn’t watch it, not initially. I’d had a good day and I knew that would end the minute this programme began, so instead I enjoyed dinner with my family, took in a film, and only pressed play once those I love were safely in bed.
Now I sit here, at 3am, after viewing BBC Panorama’s ‘Hillsborough – How They Buried The Truth’, and I can’t think about anything else. Again.
Quite honestly, I’m thinking about what it would be like if my wife went out tomorrow and never came back. And if for almost a quarter of a century to follow I would have her memory spat upon and besmirched by those in positions of power who are meant to protect us and uphold our collective principles. And I just want to punch the wall in anger.
I’m thinking about how any human being can look at a pitch strewn with the dead, the dying and the wounded, a nearby temporary morgue filling up with bodies, and already be hatching a plan to pin the blame on those very same corpses in order to save their own skin.
I’m thinking that anyone who can do this must have no soul to speak of, and no conscience to answer.
I’m thinking about those left behind, and how they’ve managed to not only keep fighting for justice, but have done so without lowering themselves to the same gutter level as those who have denied them the right to bury their loved ones with dignity and in peace.
And I am not sure I would be able to summon the grace they possess, or be able to show the self-restraint they’ve displayed.
I’m thinking about how my words cannot even begin to describe the suffering felt by those who lost friends and family that day, and I wonder where they’ve found the courage to continue in the face of such despicable lies. I’m not sure I could have.
I’m thinking, with two inquiries charged with finally unearthing the real story of the worst day in the history of British football, that I don’t want to ever have to watch a programme like this week’s Panorama again.
That I want to stand in front of the Hillsborough memorial at Anfield in the near future and touch it in the knowledge that, at last, the truth has been written forever in history, and not to walk away from it knowing that those who caused this avoidable tragedy continue to get away with it scott free.
I’m hoping that the bastards responsible are having as much trouble sleeping tonight as I am.